Wednesday, May 14, 2008

An unexpected goodbye

On Monday I stopped working for Hoboken Dive Center. I have to say its been an unsettling week. Frankly I'm not sure what I did when I wasn't teaching scuba or being tired from teaching scuba. I'm definitely going to miss teaching, but hopefully that will start again in the fall.

It has just struck me that I've really been filling my time crazily with teaching - so that really my life for the last two years has consisted of very little else. This is not quite as bad as it sounds because I have quite a lot of good friends who I hang out with when diving - so I've not been THAT much of a social recluse.

Why I wondered?? I know that I am no longer interested in going out drinking, TV is a terrible waste of life force (unless its Bones, Angel of Buffy - which can only be described as spiritually uplifting). Not to belabor the point but my romantic adventures have thus far not met with the greatest success. I wonder if filling my life with diving has been somewhat of an escape mechanism. I thought I'd really done a good job of learning more about myself and enjoying being me. I think I am much more together than I was but throwing myself into diving has been a bit of a crutch which I think I need to be able to do without.

Its going to do me good to rest in the moment - without chasing my tail. I ended up taking the week off the gym this week too because I hurt my back this weekend and I've been at a little bit of a loose end. So having identified I that I need to feel relaxed in the now - I feel frantic urges to start to fill my time with plans - break my bike out, read more and pour myself into my Spanish studies, spending some time at the beach, schedule some diving with friends at Dutch Springs over the next month...

Let it be known that I feel unsettled, but I'm going to try very hard to relax into a little less of a structured lifestyle...

No comments: